Reasons to Envy Only Children
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: Big siblings are oftentimes a bad thing. Especially when you have something to hide. Eiji realizes this the hard way as his sister finds a questionable book in his room. Fortunately Oishi will always get him out of trouble. Crack, shounen ai Golden Pair.


Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: My first published GP fic -- plz be gentle. Crack.

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Reasons to Envy Only Children

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Sisters were, for the most part, an okay thing. However, sometimes they were not something Eiji wanted to see. Especially when they were in his room.

"Keiko?" Eiji asked, looking at his sister in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I know you've stolen that shoujo manga of mine, and I haven't even read the latest volume of it yet," Keiko replied with a huff. "I haven't found it yet, but instead I found something else." With this and a triumphant smile, she held up a book.

Eiji's eyes widened as he recognized the book. The title wasn't visible, but there was only one book of that size and colour in his room at the moment. "What are you doing?" he shouted. "Don't touch it!"

"Looks like you recognize it." Keiko smirked. "Now, dear baby brother, explain just why you have this book here."

Eiji flushed. "It's -- not mine," he tried, knowing it already to be a lost attempt. After all, his reaction had pretty much proved he indeed knew the book.

"Huh? What's not Eiji's?" This time it was Shinichiroh who peeked into the room. Really, had they no idea of what 'privacy' meant? "What's that book, Keiko?"

There was a definitely triumphant edge in Keiko's voice as she read aloud, "'The Joys of Gay Sex: a Beginner's Guide.'" Eiji groaned and hid his face in his hands as Keiko gave the book to their eldest brother for closer examination. "I was just asking Eiji whether he had something to tell us."

"It's not mine!" Eiji shouted near desperation. One sibling was bad enough but two was simply too much. "Just because I recognize it doesn't mean I own it or have even read it!"

"Then why is it here?" Shinichiroh asked, walking closer to take a look at the book. "I know it's not mine, and as Tatsuha has had a steady girlfriend for the better part of a year I very much doubt it's his, either." He gave Eiji a sharp glance. "Care to explain, Ei-chan?"

"I don't have to explain it to you!" Eiji protested, rushing past Keiko into his room -- his own room! -- and falling onto his bed. "Just give it here and go away!"

"No, we won't." Keiko smirked at him. "Not before you tell us exactly why our little brother has turned into a pervert."

"Eiji's a pervert?" Great. Apparently Yukiko had decided to join them, too. Why didn't they call Tatsuha to join, too, while they were at it? Thankfully, though, his other brother was currently at a friend's place -- not that he wouldn't hear of it later. "Why's that?"

"He's reading up on gay sex," Keiko informed her sister. "And he still hasn't explained us why he's doing it."

"I just read it out of interest," Eiji muttered, his face flaming red. "I had nothing else to do and somebody had left it there and I picked it up!"

"You must be an idiot to think we'd believe that," Yukiko said. "A school exam is the only thing that could ever get you to read a book with less than one picture per page."

"Well, there are pictures," Eiji shot back defiantly. And there were. Just not the usual kind of pictures he saw in the books he read.

"I see there are," Shinichiroh said, flipping through the pages. "Some are even photographs. I wonder what Mum would say about you having this."

Eiji's former embarrassment and mortification turned into pure horror. "Don't you dare show it to her!" he exclaimed. "If you do, I swear I'll -- I'll --"

"You'll what? Stutter and blush and do everything else you can to make us believe this is, indeed, your book?" Yukiko smirked. "Just confess, Ei-chan. We all know it's yours. It'll be much easier if you just come out and say it."

"Say what?" the youngest one asked. "You've already decided it's mine and that I read it on a regular basis. Nothing I say will change your mind, so what should I say now, nyaa?"

"How about telling us just who you're studying this with?" Keiko said. "As this is a beginner's guide, and fairly new at that, I assume it's not a very old thing, thank all the gods for that. You're too young for this stuff, Ei-chan. Wait a year or three and let us beat your boyfriend into waiting until then, too."

"There's nobody," Eiji tried to tell them. "I don't 'study' it with anybody. Fine, I read it, but only by myself!"

"Really?" Shinichiroh raised an eyebrow. "I very much doubt you'd take the risk of getting a hold of this kind of book just on a whim. This isn't the kind of literature you read just for fun if you don't have any interest in trying it out in practice!"

"Oh, I know!" Yukiko exclaimed. "It must be Oishi-kun, right? He's always staying over, or you're staying at his place, and the two of you are always together!"

"It's not Oishi!" Eiji snapped, flushing even more. "I don't have anybody like that. You've got it all wrong!"

"Oh, do we?" Keiko smirked at him. "Fine. If you don't have anybody, why exactly are you reading this? As Shinichiroh said, this isn't just some fun reading. Even if you're confused about your sexuality, this is hardly the way to clear it out. There are different guides for that, you know."

"I'm not confused about my sexuality!" Eiji shouted, red as a tomato now. "I know I like boys, but I'm not doing anything with anybody! I haven't even kissed anybody properly yet, nyaa!" Okay, so that probably wasn't the best possible thing to say to nosy older siblings, but at least it was better than them thinking he was having sex with Oishi. They might even ask Oishi about it, and then Eiji would just die. Simply die, and for good, too.

"That's okay, that's perfectly okay," Yukiko said, her smile only about eighty percent teasing and twenty percent understanding as she ruffled his hair in the most condescending manner possible. "You're still young and all. However, if you're reading this kind of a book, it's a clear sign that even if you aren't having sex with anybody yet, you are certainly considering it very seriously. That's why we are questioning you, you know. We want to make sure you don't start anything serious before you are ready."

"No, you don't. You're just annoying, nosy little buggers," Eiji muttered, refusing to look at any of them. "I hate you all."

"Just answer the question, stupid," Keiko sighed. "If you aren't doing it with anybody, then who is it you are reading this book for?"

"Nobody," Eiji replied stubbornly. "It's not mine and I'm not reading it and I'm not reading it for anybody in particular so give it back and leave me alone!"

"Give it back? Oh, no." Shinichiroh shook his head. "You're far too young for this kind of book, Ei-chan. At least you must tell us everything!"

"I'll call Oishi-kun and ask," Yukiko suggested. "I'm sure he can't lie to us if it's indeed him!"

"No!" Eiji yelled in horror. "Don't you dare mention a word of it to Oishi!"

"Why not?" Keiko raised an eyebrow. "Do you think he won't accept you or something? By what I know of him, I disagree. And if he does disapprove, you're better off without that kind of a friend, anyway."

"It's not that." Eiji was blushing again. As the three others stared at him, he realized he had to give some kind of an explanation. "We -- we're dating."

"Ah-ha!" Keiko shouted triumphantly. "I told you it's him!"

"It's not like that, I've told you!" Eiji protested. "I told you I haven't even kissed anybody properly yet, and it's true!" He hid his face again. "We just started going out," he muttered. "If Oishi knew I'm reading something like that, he'd probably be weirded out and start hating me, nyaa!"

"I doubt that," Yukiko said. "But then why are you reading this, anyway?"

"Because I want to be with Oishi for a long time," Eiji mumbled. "If we stay together, at some point we will do... stuff. And when that happens, I want to make sure I know enough not to disappoint Oishi!"

"Oh, don't worry, Ei-chan," Shinichiroh said. "If Oishi-kun ever dared to be disappointed at you, we'd make him reconsider!"

Eiji's mother usually had a great sense of timing. She always knew just when her child was depressed enough to need some hot chocolate and cookies, or when they needed a hug, or when was the last moment a ravenous teenage boy could still control his hunger and not start eating the curtains if dinner wasn't ready or at least a snack. However, right now, either she or the universe was obviously wrong.

"Eiji!" she shouted. "Oishi-kun is here; I'll send him to your room!"

Eiji paled, the blush forgotten as his older siblings exchanged evil glances. Keiko took the book from Shinichiroh, hiding it behind her back. The two girls then stood in front of the door to Eiji's room like a welcoming committee. Eiji was about to lunge himself at them to stop them from carrying out whatever evil plan they had, but one glance at Shinichiroh told that his dear brother would stop him if he tried anything like that. And even if he did manage to be fast enough, they would just tell Oishi the whole embarrassing story...

"Hey, Oishi-kun," Keiko said with her sweetest voice, smiling brightly as Eiji's friend moments later came into sight. "Make sure you don't hurt Ei-chan, okay? He cares so much about you!"

"Yeah," Yukiko agreed with a similar smile. "He's even studying to make sure he can make you happy! See?"

And, with this, the two girls thrust the book right into Oishi's face.

Eiji decided to move out of the country right there and then. If he didn't die of shame before that. Either way, Oishi would never even look at him again. His life was officially over now.

Against all his expectations, however -- and those of his siblings -- Oishi didn't seem horrified or shocked or even disgusted. His eyes widened a bit in surprise, and then he smiled in his usual pleasant way. "Ah, so that's where I left my book," he said with his nicest voice. "Thank you for picking it up; I would have never found it from the mess of Eiji's room, myself."

Eiji felt immense relief. He knew perfectly well the book wasn't Oishi's -- he would have never had something like that, definitely not without Eiji knowing. However, apparently Oishi had decided to save his reaction for later, thus protecting Eiji from his siblings' teasing.

Which didn't mean the actual reaction would be any less horrifying.

The stunned sisters and a semi-startled brother were easy to guide out of his room. Oishi did most of that, though, what with Eiji being still frozen. However, once they were alone, he was shaken back to life. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Oishi," Eiji whined as soon as the door was properly closed behind his siblings. "My sisters are devils, and my brother's that, too! You were never supposed to see that!" The blush, he decided, was probably going to be permanent on his face after this.

"Eiji, calm down," Oishi said. Apparently he wasn't yet going to tell Eiji how disgusting he found his friend now. That was how nice Oishi was -- he would even wait until you were calm again before crushing you completely.

"Sorry, sorry, Oishi!" Eiji babbled, with absolutely no intention to calm down as instructed. "I don't know what I was thinking -- I probably didn't think anything at all! Please don't hate me forever now! If you do, I'll --"

Oishi interrupted his tirade by drawing him into a soft embrace. "I think," Oishi said softly, smiling against Eiji's hair, "you are thinking too much for once, Eiji."

Under any other circumstances, Eiji might have protested at the 'for once'. Right now, however, he was simply relieved that Oishi didn't seem to hate him after all. Or even if he did, at least he wasn't awfully mad.

"To be exact, you are thinking too far ahead, Eiji," Oishi continued. "We both know it's not the time for that kind of stuff yet, right?"

Eiji nodded silently, grasping onto Oishi's shirt. Oh, he didn't want to do it yet, no. in fact, the thought scared him a little. Just, one day, with Oishi, he wanted to...

"Let's forget about that book and take it slowly for now, love," Oishi said, and Eiji's heart missed a beat or two at the endearment. "And then, one day, when we're ready... we'll read that together, okay?"

Eiji now lifted his head, his face lit with a beaming smile. "Okay!" he chirped happily. Then, now almost completely over his former mortification -- Eiji did have the best recovery time in the team -- he cocked his head to the side. "But Oishi, why didn't you blush? Usually you blush at any mention of such things! I thought you'd become a little Oishi tomato the moment they showed the book to you, but you were just cool as a cucumber, nya! That's not normal of my Syuichiroh!"

Now, Oishi's smile became a bit forced. "Well, you see," he said, "after you've spent hours arguing with Inui about whether or not that very same book should be required reading material for the regulars as 'a way of both unwinding and exercising,' the blushes are pretty much used up..."

"Oh," said Eiji with wide eyes, and then again, "Oh." Then he suddenly giggled. "Can you imagine Tezuka's face? Or Kaidoh! Oh, Kaidoh's look would be priceless!"

"Now, that's better," Oishi said, smiling. Eiji couldn't help but notice he was still being held close. "This face is more like the Eiji I know."

"Nya, there's only one Kikumaru Eiji!" Eiji announced with a cheerful smile. "And no matter how silly I am or how annoying my siblings are, I'll always be the same one, nya!"

"That's good to know," Oishi said gently. "Because if you weren't the silly Eiji with annoying siblings, you wouldn't be my Eiji."

Eiji looked at Oishi's smiling face, feeling love and warmth filling him from head to toe. Then he decided that his annoying siblings knew far too much about his love life and that they should not be so well updated. This, of course, required him to change some of the facts they had. Thus he leant forward and pressed his lips against Oishi's.

It wasn't maybe the time for the book yet, but at least he could practise kissing until then.


End file.
